Nice Tie (Bad Washer)
Lately I have been noticing things with knots in them again. Part of this is due to my sudden rediscovery of knots – which happened thanks to my wonky washing machine / “dryer” combination unit that sits on an uneven balcony. Huh? You heard (read) me correctly. My balcony is not level. They made it so that water will drain down, away from the apartment, and out. They make washing machines with flat feet…unlike mountain goats, which have adjusted to standing on a slanted surface. Why is this a problem? Try to spin a top on a tilted surface and watch what happens. It will move downward, acted upon by gravity. The same thing happens to my dryer, which is a columnar tube inside a sleeve. When the tube tilts (due to the uneven balcony) it comes into contact with the sleeve and all kinds of bad things happen. Things like flying laundry, or flying washer-dryers. The solution? Wedge the low end of the unit up into the air using household items I don’t need anymore. I’ve gone through cassette tapes, tupperware containers, and most recently a camping tea tin. Very MacGyver, I know. So…how does this relate to ties?
I decided to put an anchorline on my washer, because it is precariously balanced. I have tied a bit of polycord around the water spigot and looped it underneath the far edge of the washer. It’s not bearing any load, so don’t worry. It’s just there to keep the washer from, say, escaping 4 floors downward onto a child or an unlucky vehicle. I will build a permanent fix on a weekend sometime. Anyway, when tying the washer, I did the geeky I-obviously-wasn’t-a-scout thing, and I searched for knots on the internet. I found all kinds of cool stuff. Animated Guides? Check. Text and graphic guides? Yup. Breastplate designs? (Did he just say breastplate designs?) Yes. A sad collection of sites that proves I’m not the only one who needed help learning to tie my ties? Yes, yes, and yes. YouTube instructional video on how to tie the knot from the Matrix 2? That too.
Anyway, thanks to the incessant fiddling with my washer-dryer combo unit, I realized that I have been critiquing peoples’ tie knots ever since I learned how to tie the four basic knots. (I have yet to try the Matrix 2 knot, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t gonna sometime…) I noticed that on TV people often have pretty lousy knots when they shouldn’t. It’s excusable to have a lousy tie knot if you’re a bum, or a sleaze, or it fits you in another way. It’s not if you’re supposed to be a dignitary or politician (minus the sleaze), etc. Anyway, I wanted to give some props to my man President Wayne Palmer in the 6th season of 24. The man ties an impeccable tie. (And by “the man” I mean “the crew doing wardrobe” and by “impeccable tie” I mean “really fantastically formed knot.”) Never fails. Hasn’t missed once. The wardrobe might, however, want to give some serious thought to giving him a larger suit jacket. His shoulders attempt to burst through during almost every shot. Give the guy space to breathe, folks. There’s enough stress on 24 without the President suffocating. (And we know he’s close to that point already…what with that impeccable tie knot and all.)
PS – The weasely guy Thomas Lennox also does a nice knot. They’re both clean and shaped perfectly, with just the right dimple. But does that fit Lennox? Dunno.
