Rocking in Hakata

I saw this post about “girly Japanese” on Japan Probe* yesterday and thought I’d quickly comment. The post links to this article in the Christian Science Monitor about foreign guys speaking effeminate Japanese. You might be thinking that this is linked to sexual identity, but you’d be very wrong indeed. This is an incredibly common problem. If you can, as James pointed out, get past the really funky (and occasionally flat out wrong) attempts at romanization in the article, it’s interesting.

I wasn’t alone. I had friends who sounded like average American guys in English but whose voices, once they broke into Japanese, took on the girly tones of the high-heeled Asian fashionistas they were dating.

While the author, Matthew Rusling, discusses problems that stem from learning Japanese by mimicking his Japanese girlfriend, I think that the problem actually starts back in the classroom. Why? I took Japanese from a female teacher. I think lots of people, even the majority of those studying Japanese both in Japan and in other countries, learn from a female teacher. This means that for guys like me, I was hearing female Japanese from day one. The mannerisms exhibited by my teacher in surprise, frustration, excitement, praise, cluelessness, and all kinds of other daily situations were probably more firmly locked into my head than the grammar and vocabulary I was studying at the time. These mannerisms were reinforced inside and outside of teaching mode, in all interactions with her.

Then I moved to Japan and took the plunge – home stay. That rocked. Amazingly. But I wound up speaking almost entirely to my host mother – because we were frequently the only two at home. My host dad and sister led very busy lives. (She was a social butterfly and he was a salaryman in the midst of a large scale multi-company horizontal promotion.) Therefore, to this day I still have to fight the urge to let out an alarmed 「あら！」. People giggle when I go middle aged woman on them. I can understand that. But the trouble is relocating my speech patterns into the appropriate masculine mode. All of my major teachers and speech models have been female. Luckily, I was aware of this issue towards the end of my second year of study, and am rather disturbingly hypersensitive about how I am perceived in the world (to an unhealthy degree, most likely), so I started watching my language…just in a different way.

Television also has an interesting impact on my awareness of Japanese gendered speech. One of the first conversations that I found fascinating in the Google Group started by some blogging buddies of mine for Japanese language study, Soushi, was about the origins of the modern slang word 「どんだけぇ～」. Knowing where it comes from and how people like IKKO use it now make me wary of (mis)using it. It occupies a really hazy gender category in Japanese. There are people who can and who can’t pull it off. Therefore, I avoid it altogether. While waiting for a phone call yesterday, I also watched the closing episode (not the whole season) of a drama where a girl is somehow admitted into a guys school secretly. It was called 花ざかりの君たちへ (Hanazakari no Kimitachi he). The interesting thing about the closing episode (which otherwise honestly made me want to poke my eyes out) was listening to the girl character speak like a man. Because she was concealing her identity, she assumed male speech patterns, and it was weird. Fun stuff.

Anyway, I figured that some of you might want to beef up on your Japanese. I recommend watching TV and hanging out with men in order to learn how they speak. If you make some great Japanese guy friends they will surely help pump (clap) your girly-man Japanese up.

[Update: Comments pointed to a post at Nihongo Jouzu - the site maintained by the famous Will Jasprizza.]

* Japan Probe gave a hat tip to Julián Ortega Martínez, but I can’t read Spanish and I didn’t find the link on his site. Maybe it was an emailed tip? Anyway, credit is due where credit is due.

Deas Customary Drivel, Unsolicited Commentary, 日本語

Still no computer. Still no word on when I’ll have it again. In the meantime, over the rainy 3 day weekend, I watched loads of judo on television (and some fun “pressure study” quiz shows), created 3 or 4 new Miis on my Wii – and then made 2 of them pros at tennis and one of them a pro at baseball, started into space for long stretches, and cleaned a bit – 7 loads of laundry and 2 floors down, no laundry and 2 floors to go. It was…blah. I did meet up with my buddies for Okonomiyaki twice, though. That was a treat. We were discussing ticket options for Universal Studios Japan. The website is really…unintelligible. In English and in Japanese. They really need to rethink their system. Anyhoo – looking forward to a few trips now. I’ve got Kyoto this weekend, Cirque du Soleil’s Dralion in October, and USJ in October, too. October is going to kill me, laugh about it, and tell stories about it to its grandkids afterward.

Anyway, having no internet access means I can’t participate in some of the more meaningful things in life. For instance, I completely missed Clay’s anagram post. How cool is that? Clay always has the cool internet memes. Remember the brain contents meme? My coworkers were running each others names through it this morning – they were mighty impressed when I showed that that I’d already done it. Cutting edge memery (is that a word?) there, Clay. Anyway, Alex responded with a post of his own, and I feel like doing a mini response here. (By the way, Alex gets about 4 cool points for running Tom Marvolo Riddle through the anagram server just to check, and another 60 for pointing out that it can also be “Immortal Dove Lord.” Brilliant.)

Using my full name (without the Roman numeral IV on the end), I think the coolest was this: A Sandman Chiding Snorer. Ha ha ha. There are those who call me narcoleptic. I just say I have sudden onset of naptime on occasion. But I do enjoy sleep. In second place came: A Grandma Chords Ninnies. Cause it just sounds funny. Third place: A Chairman Sends Droning. That’s more descriptive of my job – especially conferences, than it is of me. When you put my full legal name in, Deas Manning Richardson IV, you get slightly different results. Lots of hotel type names, actually. None of which I’d like to stay at. Anyone up for staying at “A Cadaver’s Shindig Morn Inn” or “A Massacred Diving Horn Inn?” I’m not even sure what the second one means, but ha ha – whew. If you want to make your own anagrams, hit this site and do it. Then post about it.

Deas Customary Drivel

Creepy! I’m glad I can read enough kanji to catch the public notices on the ferries. I am probably typical in that my eyes wander over random signs and things and I read them all just to see if I am capable of doing so. It means I read a lot of requests from bus companies to their patrons – that they’d not leave food, drink, or garbage behind in their seats and whatnot. Today, however, I read a completely different sign that freaked me out.

It said (and I’m paraphrasing) “Attention Passengers: Lately we’ve discovered several instances where someone has left razor blades in the seat cushions on this ferry. We are doing everything in our power to stop this. We immediately contacted the police and are cooperating with them, but for your own safety, please check the seats before you sit down. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation. -Management.” After reading that you can bet your bottom dollar that I’ll be watching where I sit. For crying out loud.

It reminds me of the scares people had back when extremist AIDS activists were said to leave hypodermic needles in movie theaters and in the change returns of vending machines, hoping to infect more people and thereby increase awareness. That’s pretty sick, and I have no idea if it’s true or not, but I remember being uber-careful around vending machines and the movies when those stories were circulating. All it takes is one wacko out there, I swear.

Deas Customary Drivel

I wrote that I made the cut and was approved for another year of service as an ALT in Ehime Prefecture on March 26th. I received the updated prefectural AET terms of agreement packet 3 days ago, and I received and signed my contract on the day before yesterday. Yes, the day before yesterday, September 11th. That’s a mere….5 MONTHS, 2 WEEKS, AND 1 DAY after the fact. Awesome. Gotta love the sense of timing around here. I’m supposed to be ready to go in 5 minutes should a teacher pounce on me lacking any semblance of a lesson plan, but I get to wait 5 months for the paperwork that means I’m still employed. Ha ha ha. Ah, bureaucracy, if you didn’t make me laugh so much, you’d make me cry. (It happens.)

So, I bet I’m not the only one out here with this kind of story. Anybody want to share?

Aside: Speak of the devil! I actually just got dealt another crap lesson plan, 2 minutes ago. The lesson plan? Word games for 30 minutes (actually, according to the teacher, the same game for 30 minutes, but I’m not that evil) and a speech on…drum roll please…”the differences between America and Japan” – for the remaining 20 minute of class. This is going to be the worst class all week, easily. The kids are going to hate me. But I’ll let them know that it wasn’t my idea. Sheesh. Poor kids. They deserve better. Gotta go prep.

Deas Customary Drivel

Being a compulsive person when it comes to computer stuff, I find myself checking up on my repair status on the Apple website every other 30 seconds when I’m sitting at a computer. I thought I’d write a quick note to update the record. This time around some things have gone differently from the first time.

1 – I called Apple to report that my computer died again and request service.

2 – I received no Case / Repair ID number from Apple by phone or email.

3 – The delivery guy came and picked up my computer with his bare hands and left with it. He didn’t bring a box. When I stopped him to ask him where the box was he told me that it hadn’t arrived yet. Being nervous about the situation, I filmed him put my iMac into the back of a truck unprotected and drive off slowly (to stop it from falling over?). I received no receipt for the pickup.

4 – Considering the level of sketchiness of item number 3, I put my camera down and called the Applecare support line. I told them about the box-less / receipt-less delivery man. They said that they would contact the distribution center. I said cool, I just wanted them to be aware of the situation.

5 – An hour after my phone call, at around 7 PM, I heard the doorbell go off. It was the delivery man again. He brought me a receipt. How thoughtful of him.

6 – At 9:40 PM I got another ring on the doorbell. I didn’t answer it immediately because I’d already changed into bedclothes, but when I heard the man answer his cellphone and say “I’m at a customer’s place” to whoever was on the line, I threw on some jeans and answered. I have no idea who he was, but he obviously was involved with the delivery. He had a form with him that he wanted me to sign. It appeared to be a declaration of the state of goods, with check boxes for the kind of computer, any additional parts mailed, etc. He handed it to me and asked me to sign it. I handed it back to him and said I’m not signing jack until you check some boxes. I’m not cool with him filling it in later, you know? He didn’t even know what kind of computer I had mailed. Sheesh. I filled the form in for him and signed. I tacked the copy of the form with the late receipt to the calendar. I can only assume that this was the result of my call to Apple.

7 – My computer’s status is changed to “Product received by repair center.”

8 – My computer’s status is changed to “Repair in progress.”

Now all I can do is wait. One more thing that I’m interested in is that there is an open case on my repairs list from July 25th. The status is still “Service requested.” What is that all about? The other listed repair from July 25th was completed. (Hence, I got my computer back and it broke again.) The case numbers are different, so I’m intrigued. I guess we’ll see.

Deas Apple, Customary Drivel, Unsolicited Commentary

So, this post is both a story and a thank you to Becky, who went above and beyond the call of duty (and sanity / rationality / you name it) to save my procrastinating hide. I decided to attempt the Japanese Language Proficiency Test (JLPT for short; 日本語能力試験 in Japanese). Therefore, on Sunday, December 2nd, I plan on being in Hiroshima sweating out the Level 2 test. Honestly, a few months ago I thought I’d be able to pass it since I still had ample time to study. That time has since evaporated into thin air and so has my confidence. At this point, I plan on studying like a maniac, but I don’t think I’ll be able to pull it off – in which case I intend to say I’d intended this to be a practice round all along, you know, to avoid complete humiliation. (On the other hand, should I succeed, I’m going to have a party.) In interest of full disclosure, I’m about 168 study hours shy of the stated 600 hours-of-study target test taker. Oh well? Gonna try it anyway. Here’s hoping I’ll be in the 40-odd percent that pass.

Back to the story. About a week ago, I asked Becky if she’d hop over to the Kinokuniya in Matsuyama to pick up an application since I live far, far away and wouldn’t make it all the way to the capital before the application deadline. She said sure, since she lives there. Yesterday at about 3 I received an email and a voicemail from my close friend Becky. She said “email me a photograph (headshot) of you ASAP, it’s required for the application.” I called her back and told her that it wasn’t possible since we all know that my computer is once again in the shop. We debated about what to do. I hopped on my scooter and flew home to pick up the extra headshot picture that I bought when I was getting my license. When I got there I got another mail on my cell and it had Becky’s address as well as a phone number for the JLPT people. I called. It was a phone service. I sat through the list of every test location in Japan twice in order to copy down a phone number for further questions at the end of the recording. I dialed it, and spoke in Japanese to a fellow who was quite helpful. I explained the situation, and my worry that if I overnighted the photo to Becky it’d get there tomorrow afternoon, leaving her no time to get to the post office to mail the application off. I asked if I should mail it separately at the same time, but he said no no no no no. Apparently that’s a bad move. He told me the best thing to do was to have her send it off as is, without the photo. He said that the center will contact me and ask for one, at which time I should mail it in. So, the freakout was completely unwarranted.

You might be asking yourself what’s so extraordinary about this. If you are, consider this. The Kinokuniya in Matsuyama was out of forms. Becky, being Becky, took a full day of nenkyu paid leave and took a bus to Takamatsu in Kagawa (the next prefecture over), clear across Shikoku in order to buy me an application form – without telling me, that is. She called me as she was leaving Takamatsu. Becky is a lunatic, and one of the most amazing friends ever. Who else would take a day of vacation – a very precious commodity here – and make a 290 km (180 mile) roundtrip journey to bail out a friend who procrastinated his way into a difficult situation? I just had to out her good deed to the world, because it astonished me, and I want everyone to know how awesome she is. Thanks, Becky.

Google Maps after the more link. Read more…

Deas Customary Drivel